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When a man called Oenone Forbat and her friend pretty “girls” on a recent summer trip, hearing the word made her “skin crawl.”
Coming from a stranger’s mouth, Forbat felt like the word had a negative, infantilizing connotation. In the traditional sense, “girl” implies a litany of gendered meanings involving beauty, smallness and innocence, says Forbat, 29, author of “Bad Influence,” a reflection of her life online.
But recently the word “girl” has become a sticker increasingly placed on pedestrian things and come to inhabit whole new meanings: “girl dinner,” “girl math” “lazy girl job.” The prefix of “girl” to otherwise neutral terms raises questions of why we are gendering this stuff in the first place. And is it a step backwards for feminism? Maybe not if the intention is about taking back control.
What is ‘girl math’? ‘Girl dinner’? And what is a ‘lazy girl job?’
“Girl math,” as of late, is all over TikTok. Videos feature women typically in their 20s who know the opportunity cost of a $500 bag (over one year that’s really only $1.3 per day, which is less than your latte if you use the bag daily!).
Meanwhile, “girl dinner” videos showcase women who are ditching complex, pricey recipes for plated nibbles. And the trend of the “lazy girl job” highlights women who opt to work remotely with their friends at a poolside Airbnb for the summer. And please don’t sleep on “rat girl summer,” which @its_chiti describes as “we’re scurrying around the streets, we’re nibbling on our little snacks and generally finding ourselves in places we have no businesses being in.”
These girlies are all about telling you how they’re doing life cheaper, smarter and cuter than anyone else. (They’re just a #25yoteenager trying to make it in a big world, reclaiming #girlhood.) Catch up.
Who gets to use the word ‘girl’?
“It’s about who the speaker is,” Forbat said, calling the “girl” qualifier a “reclamation of feminine energy.” While it’s fun to engage with this trend, issues can arise if the impact feels degrading or involves unwanted sexual attention.
“It’s something we call each other,” she says. “If a man said ‘girl’ to me, I’d really quickly say I’m a woman … Don’t treat me like a girl.”
The use of the word “girl” isn’t regressive for the feminist movement, Forbat says, because intent matters.
Another concern is that aspirational content risks universalizing experiences. Not every person has a salaried job or can afford to do any math but that necessary to add up their living costs. Snack-y meals risk a slippery slope into disordered eating and entering spaces you are not welcome a-la-a rats offers unique risks depending on someone’s race, class or gender identity. Truly intersectional feminism would mean complete abandon of many of the systems that guide our world, Forbat says, but if our current system must stand, at least give people the choice to find power in humor.
Taking back the word ‘girl’
When Forbat first started learning about feminism, she recalls feeling like she could no longer wear makeup or do things considered too girly or else risk the mission of the movement. Following the 2016 U.S. presidential election and Brexit, she noticed feminists like her putting their guard up as the fight for equality became more political and a brand of feminism spurred by the #MeToo movement became popular. In a sense, the feminist movement had to gear up and that meant ditching girliness.
But now viral posts are about taking back girlish qualities often perceived by the mainstream as lesser in value or intellect; The world says women aren’t good with numbers? A quick “girl math” calculation shows just how sensible a big purchase really is while poking back at those who think women can’t handle money. Or, if women’s labor is going to be invisibilized in the work place anyway, why not do the required tasks with a three-hour nap break? It’s not about sustaining power structures as much as poking fun and sustaining oneself.
Perhaps it was because many women found themselves reading old diary entries back in their childhood bedrooms during lockdown or taking “hot girl walks.” Or it could be because of Taylor Swift’s Eras tour or directors like Greta Gerwig who champion girlhood as the matter of an epic tale, rather than a punchline. And in this evolution, feminists are looking for opportunities to take their armor off and find pleasure in what makes someone feel marginal.
“It’s a funny little pull up a chair moment,” Forbat says. “It’s like being in Barbie land. There’s a community feel where we are letting ourselves indulge. These women who are very clued up and political engaged enjoy the infantilizing term because it feels like an unveiling.”
Your male friend can participate in “girl” discourse, too. The idea isn’t about being a girl as much as it is about having the power to willfully disengage from whatever makes anyone feel lesser than.
“I don’t think every action we have to make has to be a choice of feminism,” Forbat says. “Especially when there are bigger questions [at hand], it flattens things to decide if it’s feminist or not. It can be something feminist women engage with, women who are feminists find fun in it as a reaction to our fight for feminism.”
More:What is a ‘girl dinner’ and why do we call it that anyway?
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