Romantic Comedies
Romantic Comedies for Men Who Hate Women
Romantic Comedies for Women Who Hate Themselves
Buddy Comedies for Men Who Don’t Have Any Meaningful Male Friendships
Buddy Comedies That Could’ve Been Romantic Comedies If Not for Rampant Homophobia
Early 2000s Politically Incorrect Comedies You’re Still Allowed to Love Because “It Was a Different Time” and “When Did Everyone Get So Sensitive?”
Emotional Dramas
Heartfelt Dramas
Emotionally Heartfelt Dramas
Award-Winning Dramas You’ll Never Actually Watch Because You Don’t Really Feel Like Watching Something Sad Tonight or Literally Ever
Action Thrillers
Action Thrillers That Will Leave You Asking, “Why Are the Explosions So Loud, but Then I Can’t Hear Any of the Words?”
Psychological Crime Thrillers
Psychological Crime Thrillers with a Cold Female Detective
Psychological Crime Thrillers with a Reckless Male Detective Who Doesn’t Play by the Rules but Who Is Also Vulnerable and Has a Deep, Defining Trauma That, Once Revealed, Will Perfectly Unlock His Character Arc
Sci-Fi Movies
Fantasy Sci-Fi Movies
Alien Sci-Fi Movies to Watch with a New Sense of Unease
Robot Sci-Fi Movies That Will Make You Say, “Why Are These People Resisting? If I Had Sentient Robot Overlords (and One Day I Hope to), Then, Gee, I’d Simply Relish Not Having to Make Any More Decisions”
Robo-Alien Sci-Fi Movies That Used to Seem Far-Fetched but Now Seem More Like Helpful Orientation Videos on How to Cling to Your Nearest Tom Cruise
Zombie Horror Movies to Escape the Harsh, Everyday Robo-Alien Grind
Independent Films
Independent Hidden Gems That Should Probably Stay Hidden
Independent Art-House Movies That Will Make You Call an Ex and Give Yourself Bangs
Critically Acclaimed Documentaries
Eye-Opening Documentaries That Will Make You Want to Close Your Eyes Forever
Nature Documentaries That Will Make You Want to Save the Planet Until You Really Need That Thing from Amazon
True-Crime Documentaries to Talk About at Work
True-Crime Documentaries to Never Talk About with Anyone Because Their Sheer Level of Depravity Will Indicate That You Yourself Are Probably a Sex-Crazed Slaughter Monster
True-Crime Documentaries That Will Make You Wonder If You’re Still Young or Pretty Enough to Be Targeted by a Serial Killer
Because You Watched “Jumanji”
Because You Watched “The Queen’s Gambit” and Immediately Bought a Chess Set You Still Haven’t Touched
Because You Watched “The Best Years of Your Life Pass You by with Nothing to Show for It”
Because You Hate Your Father
Because You Hate Women Who Love Their Fathers
Because It’s Midnight, and Your Phone Just Died, so You Can’t Even Search Each Movie’s Individual Rotten Tomatoes Score, and One of Your Contact Lenses Is Floating So Far Back on Your Eyeball It Is Now Likely Lost Inside of Your Brain, and Besides It’s Not Like You’re Really Going to Watch the Movie Anyway, You Just Like Knowing You Have Options, and with Us You Always Have Options! Sure the Majority of Them Are Pig-Trough Slop, but as Long as You Dumb Little Piggies Keep Oinking We’ll Keep Shovelling It in, and Pretty Soon You Won’t Even Notice That Jeff Bridges Isn’t Jeff Bridges but, Rather, the Digitized Likeness of Jeff Bridges, Cuz You Dumb Little Slurping Hogs Will Be Too Sauced Off Our Latest Algorithmic Scum-Muck Special to Ever Know the Difference. Bon Appétit! ♦
