WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Dr. Anthony Fauci mentioned on Friday that he misses the times when he testified earlier than Congress by way of Zoom and might mute Senator Rand Paul.
The esteemed virologist mentioned that Thursday’s interplay with Paul “made we wish I was just on Zoom again so I could turn that nonsense off.”
“Back in the days when I was on Zoom and he would go off on some tangent that was the exact opposite of scientific fact, I would just mute him and nod my head like I was listening,” Fauci mentioned. “I’d use that time to think about what I would have for dinner that night, or maybe what to watch on Netflix.”
After Paul claimed on Thursday that the concept of vaccinated folks sporting masks was simply “theatre,” Fauci mentioned, “I instinctively reached for the mute button and then I realized I wasn’t on Zoom. That was a disappointing moment for me, I can tell you.”
Reflecting on his Senate testimony, Fauci mentioned, “I know that everybody in the country is impatient for things to get back to normal, and I get that, but let’s be honest: being on Zoom has a lot going for it. Even when the pandemic is over, I think I’m going to use it if I have to talk to Rand Paul.”
