Roach Motel (Roach Trap) contains a special lure that attracts roaches into the trap. Once inside, they become stuck in a powerful glue and die. –– Roach Motel product description
Roach Prewar Dream House
Place this irresistible prewar two-story under sinks or cabinets, and watch as passing roaches are lured into an open house, enticed by the low price, original details, and proximity to rotting apple.
“Maybe this could be a rumpus room,” the realtor says to one roach. “You could hang your roach art in here.” The roach nods, like, “Yeah, I see it!”
The roach comes back on signing day, feeling on top of the world. “Welcome to the rest of your life,” the realtor says, shaking the roach’s hand.
But, alas—the realtor’s hand is covered in our proprietary glue. Once touched, the prospective roach buyer will get stuck and die.
Humane Roach Motel
This humane trap model contains the Roach Motel’s alluring bait without the deadly glue. Unsuspecting roaches enter a trap, and then freely leave. Eventually, they will be killed by old age.
Also works on water bugs and spiders. Everything dies, after all. Every one of us. Even the sun will die.
Taco Bell Crispy Five-Cheese Roach Cantina
Made in partnership with Taco Bell, the Crispy Five-Cheese Roach Cantina is slathered in a hot-and-sweet queso-rancho dip mixed with our proprietary roach glue. Your roaches will love getting stuck to our powerful, mouth-watering glue and dying!
Ashton Kutcher’s Roach Punk’d
A roach is led to believe that it knocked over a priceless antique, and is criminally liable. The roach is freaking out, like, “I didn’t mean to—I’m so sorry!”
Then Ashton Kutcher comes out with a camera crew and the roach is, like, “You son of a gun, you had me going!” At which point, Ashton Kutcher steps on the roach shoeless, killing it.
Kutcher will also step on water bugs, but not spiders.
Roach Powerful Glue-Removal Store
Diabolically, the floor of the powerful glue-removal store is covered in a powerful glue.
Roach van Gogh Immersive Experience
We project Vincent van Gogh’s œuvre onto the walls of a Roach Motel, creating an unforgettable immersive experience. Critics have stated: “Whether your roaches are students of van Gogh’s œuvre or totally new to the œuvre, they will be enthralled, stuck to, and ultimately killed by the experience.”
Roach Charity: Two-Box Set
First, you leave out a box filled with crumbs. The roach eats the crumbs and then notices a sign that says, “Attention: Crumbs reserved for elderly roaches.”
So now the roach is going, “Oh, my God, what have I done? I’ve stolen from the elderly!”
Then the roach conveniently comes across our roach charity box, which reads, “Raising funds for our roach elders!”
That box is covered in a powerful glue.
Roach Restaurant with Four-Course Prix-Fixe Menu
Roaches will be delighted by the first course—a dollop of peanut butter on a bed of crumbs. The Parmesan shaving is also a hit, and the stepped-on blueberry is very tastefully plated.
Then the waiter comes over and asks if the roach would like to order dessert.
“Is dessert not one of the four courses?” the roach will ask, feeling somewhat put out.
“So sorry, sir. The seared dust bunny was the fourth course.”
“Aw, what the hell, a little dessert never killed anybody!” the roach will reply.
Alas, the dessert is a powerful glue, and, once served, the roach will get stuck and die.
Roach CrossFit Gym
At our Roach CrossFit gym, roaches will learn high-intensity, functional movements like barbell circuits and rope climbs. Soon, they’ll be knocking out workouts that they never would have dreamed of before.
Your home is now full of ripped, highly self-actualized roaches. Your move.*
*Note: CrossFit is not a trap, it’s a branded life-style fitness regimen and gym. ♦