OHIO (The Borowitz Report)—Irate Republican officials in Ohio have been crying foul over Tuesday night’s election results, claiming that there were “widespread cases” of women voting across the state.
Harland Dorrinson, a G.O.P. operative in Lake County, said that he had “eyewitness accounts” of “swarms of women” standing in long lines outside of polling places.
“Many of our poll workers spotted women going into voting booths and literally casting votes,” he said. “These were not isolated incidents.”
Dorrinson said the “nightmare scenario” that unfolded on Tuesday has dire implications for both Ohio and the nation.
“There is every indication that women meddled in this election,” he said. “What’s to stop them from doing it again in 2024?”
