If you never skip an episode of “Love Island” but feel like the contestants don’t have enough to lose, or if you wish the cash prize on “Too Hot to Handle” required a little more risk-taking to win, then you’ll love our new lineup of high-stakes dating shows! Coming soon to a streaming service near you.
“Heart to Heart”
Hot young singles looking for love and a heart transplant arrive on an island, ready to party. But there’s a catch! The winner gets a new heart only if they find their soulmate. Everyone else goes home empty-handed. Good luck, young paramours!
“Billionaire Beach”
Ten bachelors and ten bachelorettes live on a beach together. The catch? One of the bachelors is a billionaire, and everyone’s trying to end up with him. The other catch? The billionaire decides to retreat to his own separate, private beach. They never see him again. Also, they all have to pay for this “vacation.” The billionaire does not.
“Love Is BlA.I.nd”
Single men and women go on virtual dates and look for love online with the goal of getting engaged before ever meeting in person. The twist: all but one of them is an artificial-intelligence chatbot. Get ready for one lonely human to meet their soulmate . . . and then grapple with the fact that they’re not even real.
“Pension Peninsula”
Two dozen auto workers spend a month living together at a beautiful resort. The only rule? No touching! If one of them even pecks another one on the cheek, they all lose their pensions. (They are not told about the one rule.)
“Tropical Treason”
Fit, fun hotties from all over the world get dropped off in the tropics. Each of them is given a sealed envelope they can open and read aloud only once—to the person they believe to be their one true love! Unfortunately, each card contains one of their nation’s most highly guarded secrets. In the finale, they are all tried for treason.
“Archenemy Archipelago”
People who have hated one another for their entire lives are stranded on a group of unclaimed islands. There are no laws. Whoever makes it to the end of the season can leave the show and try to find a love that’s as powerful as the connection they felt with the one person they despise most in this world.
“A Date with Debt-stiny”
A group of thirtysomethings are paired with people they believe to be their scientifically proven soulmates. But they’re in for a surprise—those soulmates are also their debt collectors.
“You and Who?”
You’re on this show now. Yes, you. The one reading this. You’re being filmed and your life is being broadcast all around the world. You have two weeks to fall in love. We won’t stop watching you until you’ve done so. Have fun! ♦
This is drawn from“This Won’t Help: Modest Proposals for a More Enjoyable Apocalypse.”
