I am Big Shot Despot—tremendous, colossal!
My name’s on the zoo, it’s in letters real bossful!
I’ll make it the hugest—incredi-bling to see,
And real soon all the people will cheer, just for me!
But zoo’s now a shithole. So sad and so woke-y.
The pandas perform kumbaya karaoke.
The tigers eat tofu. “Child care!” chant kang’roos.
And the sea slugs debate the best pronouns to use.
Octopi want unions. Ladybugs, human rights,
And the owls hold elections on alternate nights.
Lemurs, they say, are the very worst-ever-est,
Conspiracy commies and lunatic leftists!!!
I’ll take care of this mess—green-light a coup or two,
And bring back the greatness of my big beautiful zoo.
“So, Despot, what’s the plot . . . to get rid of the Grots?”
Oh, I’ll squash all those Grots with my pet Snarls-a-Lots.
They will clompety-clomp past the ducks (such big quacks!)
And then round a few up for their “treasonous acts.”
Your stripes go the wrong way? Is your fur too flingfloo?
Watch out! You’ll be hauled to the Lame Land of Else-Zoo.
The hyenas get laughs? Platypuses push pot?
I’ll fix all that nonsense—’cause I’m B. S. Despot!
Breaking news! The Despot hassilenced the chorus:
No oinks, baas, or brays (even you, Brontosaurus!).
Get ’em right now, at the Loot-Zoot gift shop!
Wombats that shout “Witch hunt!”—ten bucks a pop,
Meerkat snow globes—too hot for the snow,
We take dollars, rubles, crypto—and blow! ♦
