Opinion | You’re on the line with heaven. How can we help?

And if you’re like me, the tenderest ones — Denise welcomes a small child to heaven — will make you cry.

Kate talked with Taryn Delanie Smith, the woman behind Denise, about what it’s like to give Dante a run for his money. She left reflecting on how a good story, whether on TikTok or papyrus, can comfort and inspire a bunch of humans unsure about what happens after.

Next admin appreciation day, someone pick up a mug for Denise’s desk: “Recover hope, ye who enter here.”

Chaser: For a social media phenomenon absolutely void of meaning, read columnist Molly Roberts from 2019 on the egg that took over Instagram.

Let’s check in on the 2024 race outside of President Biden and former president Donald Trump — Republicans first, where there’s a little more elbow-throwing.

Columnist David Byler writes that despite being in a distant third, Sen. Tim Scott (S.C.) is in better position than you might think. The senator’s message of compromise over controversy has let him “differentiate himself from Democrats while avoiding Trump’s almost apocalyptic tone,” David writes.

The money is certainly there; Scott’s war chest at the end of his 2022 Senate cycle was fuller than Trump’s first-quarter presidential campaign coffers. If Trump or Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis falters, we might start seeing a lot more of Scott.

Speaking of Trump, it seems Democrats have their own candidate running on a “cynical mix of star power and misinformation,” as contributing columnist Matt Bai writes.

Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s long-shot challenge to Biden for the 2024 nomination is slow going, but even that’s a little too fast for Matt’s liking. The dynasty heir — one of many, but the most RFK-looking — “has a lot more in common with Trump than with the famous relatives to whom he connects himself,” Matt writes.

And even if Kennedy, as is likely, doesn’t get anywhere, Matt worries about the spread of the entertainer candidate who puts populist grievance over loyalty to party.

Chaser: Columnist Paul Waldman explained last week why so many once-and-future GOP stars are sitting out this presidential contest.

From University of Montana President Seth Bodnar’s op-ed warning that we might soon have a cohort of young people enter jobs with less education than the cohort before — a first in U.S. history.

While the thought of slightly speedier commencement exercises might be a relief, think beyond the next few weekends to the long-term consequences Bodnar lays out. Past trends show that an educational edge means an economic edge, and we can’t risk losing either.

Our military might, Bodnar explains, also relies on a “strong education system and a fast-moving private-sector economy that can out-innovate any competitors” … competitors who, he notes, are certainly not telling their country’s kids to skip college.

Chaser: Princeton President Christopher L. Eisgruber gets the decline. But he wrote that college is still well worth the cost.

The Editorial Board does not hold back in its hot-off-the-griddle take analyzing the failure of plant-based protein alternatives: “The taste, texture and smell of fake meat are unappetizing.”

I have had some good Impossible burgers in my time, but I agree that even the mouthwatering smack of soy leghemoglobin yeast doesn’t quite measure up to 100 percent Angus.

The Board, considering also fake meat’s high price, long ingredient lists (leghemoglobin!) and incompatibility with America’s carnivorous culture, concludes that, of course, plant-based protein struggled.

But there’s still a future for barbecuing in a way that benefits the environment; the Board gives some ideas.

Chaser: Columnist Helaine Olen wrote in November that there’s already a much better veggie alternative to plant-based meat.

It’s a goodbye. It’s a haiku. It’s… The Bye-Ku.

Heaven’s front desk team

Welcomes plant substitutes to

Have your own newsy haiku? Email it to me, along with any questions/comments/ambiguities. See you tomorrow!