If you filled out a March Madness bracket, I have bad news. The team you picked to win it all won’t. For the ninth tournament in a row, your bracket is busted by the second round.
And you’re left asking yourself questions. “Why did I pick them?” or “Why do all the kids on the team look older than me?”
All valid questions, but there’s no time to sulk. You must figure out who you’re cheering on for the rest of the tournament until they inevitably lose in heartbreaking fashion. Don’t worry, I’m here to assist you. (Get it? “Assist”? Weaved a basketball term in there. By the way, I did it again with “weave.”) Here are schools to root for in March Madness once your bracket fails.
The School Your Mom Went To
Your mom’s alma mater is a good team to root for. It’s where she had a class with that other student she copied all her answers from. She also named you after that student. You owe it to that school to support them in their quest for the title.
The School with the Child of a Celebrity
There are some prominent public figures who have kids playing collegiate sports. Those kids probably get weird treatment from their peers because they’re seen as “nepo babies” or because their parents illegally arranged for them to attend the school. None of that may be true, and, if it is, let’s cheer for their success while we can, before the authorities rain on their parade.
The School That Has the Cool Cinderella Story
We love a good underdog story. In the Big Dance, that team is called the Cinderella; they’re a lower seed and are surprising everybody by advancing. They’re fun to root for. Plus, while they’re stunning everybody, you can lie and tell people you picked them to go far.
The School Whose Merch You Already Have
Forget talent, stats, and matchups. Just find a school that you already own merch from. Doesn’t matter if it’s a hat, a sweater, a tote bag, anything. You can pull it out and act like you went there. When people ask if you did, it’s none of their business that you attended community college online.
The School with the Youngest Coach
The N.C.A.A. tournament is filled with first-time or very young head coaches just starting out in their careers. They have full heads of hair, they wear cool Jordans, and they’re even good at social media. Support that young coach. Don’t be bitter because he’s living his dream at only twenty-four years old and you’re not. Use him as inspiration for your goals and your outfits.
The School with the Lowest Tuition
Whichever school is keeping its tuition low should have our support. Who cares if its basketball facilities are subpar and its fraternities are known for odd hazing traditions? All that matters is that it is allowing students to leave with the least debt.
The School That Would’ve Accepted Your SAT Score
The SATs stumped most people. However, some schools try to act like the test really measures your knowledge and your abilities (not factoring in that you didn’t eat breakfast that day and nobody is good at math when hungry). That’s why we should root for the schools that took those factors into account. The universities that give grace and low-SAT-score students a chance to flourish. We’re rooting for you.
The School with the Seventh-Year Senior
Some teams have players who should’ve left the school years ago. However, those students found loopholes to stay enrolled and avoid entering the job market. Well played. This economy is terrible. Enjoy the free shelter and transportation while you can. Let’s root for them to get that championship before they endure the stress of job hunting.
Anyone but Duke
I’m out of reasons, but no matter what happens with your bracket do not root for Duke. Why would you want to be that person? ♦
