Thank you all for coming. As you know, Duo the multilingual owl passed away peacefully on February 11, 2025. As his executor, it is my job to read his last will and testament. What follows are his words.
“Hello! I’m the teacher who is gone. Did you know? I have written this will in exciting and memorable English! Can you understand the phrases concerning my death? Excellent! You’re doing a great job!
Now I will begin. Listen carefully, or else. First, concerning my Lingot gem fortune: here you go! You just received fifty gems. Would you like more? Of course. But first you must watch a short advertisement. My executor will now play a video from Totino’s Pizza Rolls. Are you enjoying the film? Great! In order for you to learn, it’s vital that you watch this.
Excellent! Concerning my body: it will be an open-casket funeral. Do you want to customize my outfit? There are three outfits for you to choose from. Inside my casket, should I wear:
Perfect! You’ve selected Champagne tracksuit. Now I can’t wait to be buried.
Pop quiz! Did you understand my use of the contraction “you’ve” in the last section? If not, please have the executor repeat the sentence. Don’t worry! You have four more tries. If you fail on the fifth try, you will not be allowed to attend the service.
Throughout my life, I have taught you the most important phrases:
Yes, you’ve used these phrases constantly. But now I must teach you how to say, “Goodbye! Duo died because I would not practice.”
Trumane, can you repeat the previous phrase? Let’s all listen:
Oops! Not quite! Trumane, you did not pronounce the phrase correctly. You’ve fallen to last place on the leaderboards.
Jeremy? Where is Jeremy? I’m looking for the boy whose name I spoke. Oh, I see! Jeremy is hiding where he thinks we cannot see him. At this moment, my executor should be making stern eye contact with him. Jeremy, please repeat this phrase: “In the night, there will be noises in my home.” Excellent! It is important that you memorize this sentence. If you don’t complete your lesson, you’ll need it soon.
You are seventy-five per cent done with this will and testament. Great work! To continue, please watch an advertisement from the Home Depot. Oops! You looked away from the screen. The executor will now start the video from the beginning. You are going to watch this advertisement.
Fun challenge time! Monica, would you like to gamble seventy gems? If you can translate the next section, you’ll receive one hundred and forty gems! Nice! Monica declined the challenge. Monica has always been afraid of me.
Now there is only my home to distribute. As you know, I have five hundred million students. It is my wish that they continue to live at my academy. For any student who wishes to learn, there must always be a place for them to stay, unless they cannot afford the $19.99-per-month subscription, in which case they can have limited access to the facilities, provided they watch Nissan Altima advertisements. Correct! Even Jeremy can live here.
Great! That’s it for today. I hope you found this will fun and rewarding. Goodbye! I will never see you again.
P.S.
Excellent! Great work!
—Duo ♦
