Hello, and thank you for inviting me to speak today, and congratulations to all of this year’s graduates.
Class of 20—, I am not saying that people are making me have yogurt.
I do not feel pressured to purchase it, or that I need to eat it because of something that is making demands on me about yogurt. So, this is not a complaint about yogurt. What I want to speak about today is how to be resourceful in creating new options for experience. And yogurt is a part of that for me.
When I have yogurt, I like to pretend that it is a custard prepared for me by a small enclave of elves, like a ceremonial custard made for an honored guest who is visiting from afar. I think about the elves choosing the fruits with which to flavor the custard, and about how the cream for it is poured from a lovely pitcher, by the mini hands of an elf. I think of the expert stirring done by an older elf, with a wooden spoon that that elf got from an even older elf in the family. I see it all from above, the spoon making the circle in the thickening cream and sugar. I like thinking of the elves describing this dish in their cultural books, calling it “a very special custard, served cold.” I say to myself that they have a name for it, like Wanderer’s Pudding.
I put it in a small glass bowl, and of course I eat it slowly with a small spoon, and I act like they are watching me, hoping that I am loving it—and I am. I am loving it.
This is a luxury that costs but the price of a common yogurt, and the thrill does not wear away.
This is one example of an acceptable way to have a secret thing that you do, and to really feel that thrill of “Nobody knows that I am doing this thing that I am doing right here.” This yogurt thing is a secret thing to do but is not “bad,” and there is no lying involved, but you are still fooling people a bit, and it is fine and well within the margins of kindness.
The only ones who would not be fooled are the elves.
It can be a bit lonely to know of this wonderful way to live your life. There is the feeling, at times, that if you actually did tell anyone that you were doing what you were doing they might think that you were “out of it” and not in control of yourself, when in fact you are in total control, which is why you are able to take a boring experience like eating yogurt at the table and do the refreshing work of letting yourself feel that you are an honored guest spooning out a ceremonial custard, and experiencing the kindnesses of enchanted beings who hope that you are always comfortable.
The potential for loneliness is a risk, and yet you might find that having yogurt this way is worth it. And you will feel sure that others might love it if they, too, could try it, but many will never care to try, and many will turn away from you because they are afraid of what it would be like to feel “silly” for even one minute. A lot of people simply will not understand you, which will cause an unsettling warping sensation, which I am feeling right now.
But I am still able to continue speaking, and I am still the official speaker at this graduation.
That said, I do not feel that I am the appropriate person to give you advice, because I am not interested in that. I do, however, love to tell people about how I have found ways to create daily enchantments for myself. Every time I tell people about what I do, and I lay out how I do it, I reconfirm my mind-set. So, thank you for letting me be here.
I suppose if there were something valuable that I could leave you with, it would be to say that you can play tiny invisible games inside of your plainest tasks, and that this will change the truth of how you are in your world.
Honored graduates, I am not a goofing, foolish kook. I am a serious person, in my way. I am inclined to be happy, and also stormy and sad. It has helped me to play small games of pretend, even as I am in the stoniest circumstances. It has cost me nothing, kept me sane, kept me open and young, and is the one way that I have found I can keep a cozy light on when I experience my existence as a darkened homestead.
I hope that you will be thoughtful about making your own experiences. To be thoughtful about what you want to be feeling, and to invent roads to get there, are two of the loveliest ways toward empowerment and satisfaction. My wish for all of you is that even the biggest grumps and total duds among you today find one moment in the next seventy or so years to pretend that you are on the receiving end of a ceremonial pudding.
Thank you for this honor, and congratulations. I wish you all a pleasant summer, and much comfort in your long lives. ♦
This is drawn from “Lifeform.”
