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I’m not going to tell you how to live because, frankly, I don’t know how. What I can, and will, and am about to tell you is some of what you’ll encounter, because, despite trying to be your own person and forge your own path, some stuff simply happens to all of us.
There will come a time when you open the refrigerator and discover that one of your roommates has eaten your food. They will not admit to having done it, and you will be left frustrated and confused. Why would someone eat your sesame noodles and then lie about it right to your face? This is scavenger behavior, something vultures and hyenas do. No one wants to share a kitchen with a hyena, so you will eventually move out and get your own fridge. But be careful—there are also vultures at work.
Your car will be towed. Everyone’s car is towed at some point. It might be the result of an accident, but more likely it’s because of a confusing sign that was put up simply to confuse you so that they could tow your car and leave you lost and confused.
In a similar vein, you should learn how to fix a flat tire, because you will get a flat at some point, and, although there are good people out there willing to help you fix it, there are also bad people who keep a tire iron under their seat so that they can kidnap defenseless drivers who don’t know what lug nuts are.
People are going to yell at you and make you feel small. Someone is going to call you out at work in front of your peers and tell everyone about a mistake that you made and make you feel stupid and useless. Of course, you are neither of these things—you are doing your best. But even our best is filled with mistakes, and unfortunately there are people smaller than us who like to point out our failings so that no one notices theirs.
You are going to fall asleep on the beach on the first day of your vacation, and nobody is going to wake you, and you will suffer a terrible sunburn. You will be as red as a stoplight, and it will hurt, and, because you are embarrassed, you will lie to everyone and tell them that it doesn’t hurt at all. But it really does.
You’re going to throw up in public.
You are going to spend hours getting ready and then walk into a party with a tag sticking out of your shirt. No one will tell you about it, and there’s also a good chance you’ll have a piece of something stuck in your teeth, toilet paper hanging off your shoe, your fly down, and you forgot to put on deodorant.
Some drunk person is going to start talking to you in a crowded airport, and everyone is going to think that you two are friends.
Someone is going to break up with you. No one has a perfect record, and anyone who says that they do is lying or just sensed that they were about to be dumped and acted quickly in order to beat their partner to it. After they break up with you, they are going to tell their friends what a bad kisser you are even though you’re a really good kisser and everyone knows it, which may be why they broke up with you in the first place.
You are going to hate your friend’s boyfriend. Not just kind of hate him but really hate him, and everything about him. And when they break up you will finally get the chance to tell your friend all the bad things that she didn’t see, but then they will get back together and you will be forced to fake laugh and fake smile till the end of time. Enjoy the wedding.
You are going to wear something stupid, but you won’t know it until years later when you see a picture of yourself and realize that there was a time when you had bad taste, no judgment, and a high opinion of jean shorts.
You are going to bring a bunch of books on vacation and not read a single one. Don’t feel bad about yourself—it happens to the best of us. Good on you for at least packing up a few books and giving it a try.
You will become friends with someone no one else likes. You know exactly why no one likes them but for some reason it doesn’t bother you at all, and, in fact, it makes you like them even more.
After posting something that you thought was smart or funny or good-natured and cute, people are going to make comments on it that lead you to question yourself, your fellow-man, and why you even own a smartphone.
You will hear that someone has died and, despite what we all know is the right response, you will think, Good—enough with that guy already. And you’ll catch yourself and want to correct yourself, but you won’t be able to escape the feeling that the world is a little better now that they aren’t around.
You will buy something stupid that is way too expensive and quickly realize that it wasn’t worth it and then a short while later do it again.
You are going to throw a party, and people are going to either cancel at the last minute or come late and leave early. It has nothing to do with you and your party-throwing skills—sometimes no one is in the mood. We’re all connected, occasionally in silly ways, like, for some reason universally not wanting to go out tonight.
You will race and rush during the holidays and wonder why something that is supposed to bring you joy is actually starting to kill you, and no matter how much money you spend or how many invitations you accept, you will find yourself, late at night, standing in the kitchen in your underwear, shoving candy-cane cookies into your face because you deserve it.
Life’s bigger problems will gather around you like storm clouds and interrupt your plans and make your to-do list seem small and petty. There will be moments when you can’t catch your breath, can’t find your way, and then, suddenly, it will all work out.
You will find yourself in a quiet moment, staring at nothing and thinking about nothing. You won’t feel sad or happy, or judgmental of yourself or anyone else. You’ll notice that this is just you, at peace for the moment, until your mom tries to FaceTime you and blows it all apart. ♦
This is drawn from“We’re All in This Together . . . : So Make Some Room.”
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