Is your boy starting to point out indicators of poisonous masculinity? Unnecessary aggression? Starting to look as much as Dan Bilzerian? Then come on right down to Lou’s Boy-Repair Shop! We’ll get your boy up and accessing the total vary of human emotion very quickly!
For greater than thirty years, we’ve been the nation’s most dependable supply for fixing the broken male psyche. We carry out complete machismo overhauls on boys of all ages and insecurity ranges. Our technicians will restore your boy to the candy little man he as soon as was, earlier than his publicity to beer commercials, older brothers, and America.
We’re conveniently situated subsequent to the Duane Reade parking zone the place your boy lied about his penis measurement.
If your boy is caught in outdated patterns and wishes assist getting again on the highway to feeling once more, we provide a twenty-four-hour towing service to drag him out of the Barstool Sports message board. Headspace help is accessible upon request. If your boy’s empathy valve has been ruptured by calls for to “man up,” ask about our collision-of-regressive-attitudes-with-evolving-society insurance coverage.
At Lou’s, we imagine that your boy works finest when he’s not turning into a parody of his father. So we inventory a variety of function fashions in your boy to look as much as, in addition to cautionary tales (males who’ve taken pickup-artist courses).
Our employees is all male, as a result of we satisfaction ourselves on not burdening ladies with much more emotional labor.
When you come to gather your boy, you’ll be impressed by how a lot much less violent the phrases he makes use of to explain intercourse are. We provide a money-back assure if anybody we’ve serviced refers to intercourse as “hitting that” or claims to have “beat up” the feminine genitalia.
As a part of our normal analysis package deal, we place your boy in a yoga studio to test whether or not he suggestions his shades or says “humina humina.” Sign up now to obtain an internet estimate of what number of occasions your boy has watched hard-core pornography.
If you need to preserve your boy working easily, it’s vital to alter his fluids. A boy can’t work correctly when he’s stuffed with Rockstar Energy Drink or that soda Juggalos spray on each other. And tear-duct clogging can lead to a whole breakdown if left unattended for forty years. Investing within the maintenance of your boy now can forestall the necessity for pricey authorized charges down the road, when he spits on a lady at a bus cease.
It’s tempting to delay servicing your boy due to the emotional price, however skipping masculinity realignments can result in your boy’s attempting out for Duke’s lacrosse crew. No guardian desires that.
In addition to our domestic-repair choices, we additionally service overseas boys. In truth, we restore all makes and fashions, besides Randall. That child is wack. His dad is a kind of soccer coaches who throw folding chairs. But, in case your boy is deemed past restore, you’ll be supplied a trade-in who doesn’t name his mates “gay” for liking to bounce.
All of our emotional work is backed by a lifetime guarantee. If your boy punches a wall as a result of rage is his default setting, we are going to come to your own home and wipe off the knuckle blood.
To make an appointment, merely choose a time when your boy isn’t bullying a weaker little one. And bear in mind: as we speak’s little shit is tomorrow’s big asshole!
