Welcome to Bartleby Jones EyeWhere! We know—having paid good cash to Meta to discover out—that you simply solely click on by means of on an common of 5 out of eight Instagram adverts, so we worth your consideration and promise to make your go to no less than as worthwhile as scrolling by means of these pics of your sorority sister’s Labraschnoodle or buying the industry-disrupting pizza oven, which is amassing mud in your kitchen. (We see it each time you boot up your Oculus.)
So, are you prepared to stage up your Spex Appeal™? Just comply with these 4 straightforward steps, and also you’ll be rocking new glasses very quickly!*
*Owing to points with the provide chain and child-labor shortages, precise transport time is now 5 to seventy enterprise days.
1. Choose your frames! “Try on” choices by downloading our patented A.R. Framr app (a Snapchat filter that we purchased from our babysitter, who’s majoring in laptop science at WashU). Once you’ve discovered a pair that offers you flashbacks to while you had been bullied in seventh grade, choose considered one of our thrilling colour choices, corresponding to tortoiseshell, turtle-shell, or the former emblem of the San Antonio Spurs (the solely licensing deal we may afford).
2. Ask your mother for Dr. Herschbaum’s quantity. You keep in mind him—the final optometrist (ophthalmologist? otolaryngologist?) you noticed proper earlier than your driver’s check? Oh, you don’t reside in New Jersey anymore? Then put on one thing cute to the nearest LensCrafters and persuade the man behind the counter to replace your prescription without cost, as a particular favor, simply this as soon as. Then snap a pic of your ’scrip and textual content it to us, alongside along with your Social Security quantity and blood kind.
3. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON’T FORGET TO SEND US YOUR PUPILLARY DISTANCE! No, that’s not a part of the imaginative and prescient check—duh. It’s one thing separate and much more essential. We want to know the way far aside your eyes are, O.Okay.? It’s tremendous easy to measure. Just stick one finger on every eyeball, maintain your hand in that precise place as you decrease it onto a ruler, after which inform us what it says. Five inches? Sure, that sounds about proper—in case you’re cosplaying as a nerdy hammerhead! Seriously, it’s not that tough. Try once more. Two and a half inches? Sure, shut sufficient.
4. Ready to pay? Easy peasy! As you already know, all of our frames right here at Bartleby Jones EyeWhere are solely $99! Let’s simply take a fast have a look at some add-on choices, and you then’ll be all set.
-Lenses (+$50**)
-Prescription lenses (+$99**)
-Accurate prescription lenses (+$149**)
-Progressive lenses (+$149**)
-Moderate lenses (+$49**)
-Democrat-in-name-only lenses (+$79**)
-Thin lenses (+$199**)
-Ultra-thin lenses (+$249**)
-Wafer-thin lenses (+$399**)
-Scratch-resistant coating (+$199**)
-Coat-resistant filming (+$249**)
-Smudge-resistant scratching (+$199**)
-Anti-glare (+$399**)
-Anti-flair (+$299**)
-Anti-Cher (+$49**)
-Groucho Marx nostril, mustache, and eyebrows attachment ($99**)
-Shipping ($24, or free with 5 or extra pairs!)
-Handling ($48)
-Taxes (fifty-two per cent—sorry, our headquarters are in the Netherlands)
**Per eye.
Good information! If the complete quantity due to your $99 frames is greater than $1,500, you may pay in ten weekly installments, or you may simply roll the value into your month-to-month student-loan invoice.
Thanks for purchasing with Bartleby Jones!
