How to Save the Bees


Plant Bee-Friendly Flowers

Lavender, sunflowers—you name it! Just make sure that whatever you plant generates tons of pollen, has a long blooming season, and provides its own welcome mat.


Create a Bee Bath

Bees need a place to cool off, hydrate, and hear the latest buzz, like, “Sandra hatched her larva last week!” and “Did you hear the queen is hooking up with two dozen drones?”


Raise the Minimum Wage

After all, that honeycomb won’t make itself! A thirty-dollar-an-hour raise may initially shock a few downtrodden worker bees, but as honey consumers the least we can do is meet the bee union’s demands.


Build a Bee Home

First, consider the personality of each bee. Most bees live in small wooden boxes filled with various hollow tubes. However, some prefer Craftsman cottages; several like ranch-style structures; and a select few desire a rococo-esque mansion with elaborate gilded interiors.


Eliminate Productivity Quotas

Harvesting a huge amount of nectar per hour can cause mass burnout. Hundreds of exhausted bees are now unable to do anything but lie on the couch and binge-watch “The Masked Stinger” and “The Real Houseflies of Beverly Hills.”


Hire a Teeny-Tiny Therapist

Because bees are very sensitive to vibration, temperature changes, and their emotional needs.


Join the Protest

Who’s got the power? Bees got the power! Join their march against predatory labor practices. Display additional solidarity by boycotting bee predators, like bears and badgers and skunks.


Sponsor a Vacation

No one can be a busy bee all the time. Where will they go during their P.T.O.? Vegas? Hawaii? None of your beeswax.



If you’re not sure how to help, don’t be afraid to ask. Crouch down and get it straight from the bee’s mouth.

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