Introducing PenceGPT, from the Makers of ChatGPT

Thank you for your interest in PenceGPT, a new product from OpenAI, the maker of ChatGPT, in collaboration with former Vice-President Mike Pence (long suspected to himself be a bot of some kind, on account of his dead eyes, soulless demeanor, and three-hundred-and-sixty-degree swivel head). You may be wondering, What sorts of features can I expect from a chatbot that generates text based on Mike Pence’s speeches and interviews? Well, look no further than this handy guide, which summarizes some of PenceGPT’s exciting new offerings:

Woman Identifier: Not sure whether the woman sitting next to you is your wife or your mother? Neither is Mike Pence, apparently. Use this feature to demystify the nature of your relationship with any female human. Simply type, “Who is this woman?” into PenceGPT, and the model, which has been trained on all Pence-approved relationship statuses, will output from the options of Wife, Mother, and Wife/Mother.

Conservative Poetry: We understand that one of ChatGPT’s primary use cases is poem generation, and we’ve adapted PenceGPT’s poem generator to reflect the Vice-President’s values and political beliefs. Poems created by PenceGPT will all include the words “faith,” “America,” and “Kid Rock.” Additionally, this language model has been trained to exclude Pence’s long list of no-no words, including “Nantucket,” “diphthong,” and any word beginning with the letter “V.”

Blinking Cursor: Human Mike Pence grows weary from fielding each day’s barrage of inquiries. To mimic this fatigue, we designed PenceGPT to output nothing more than a blinking cursor when faced with challenging questions, such as “Do you respect Donald Trump?” and “Are you Mike Pence?” Occasionally, a real toughie may be deflected with one of Pence’s favorite Biblical passages.

Joke: Want to let loose with a Pence-sanctioned joke featuring the Vice-President’s trademark lack of humor? Has PenceGPT got one for you! But just the one, and it’s long-winded and ends with a confusing reference to a dead rattlesnake, so don’t ask for another. If you require a second joke, please refer back to “Blinking Cursor.”

Baby-Name Generator: This feature is not in fact a traditional list of baby names but is instead programmed to congratulate you on your expanding family and register your unborn child with the Republican Party.

We understand that chatbots are a confusing technological innovation, so we’ve included a short excerpt of an actual conversation with PenceGPT as an example of how the A.I. works:

User: What’s your favorite color?

PenceGPT: I enjoy a wide range of colors, including pearl, ivory, eggshell, and, when I’m feeling really wild, wheat.

User: Do you have any classified documents at your house?


User: Is that a yes or a no?

PenceGPT: “For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” That is Jeremiah 29:11.

User: Are you planning to run for President in 2024?

PenceGPT: As the Bible says, Mike Pence is a good and politically relevant man.

User: I’m not sure the Bible says that, but I’ve got to go now. I’ll come back and chat with you later.

PenceGPT: Please don’t leave me. ♦

Source link