WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Rep. Jim Jordan’s bid to become Speaker of the House faced a new obstacle after news spread that he had accidentally locked himself in his congressional bathroom.
The Ohio congressman, who had been expected to meet with holdouts opposing his candidacy, was missing for hours before aides noticed a desperate bellowing sound from inside his office’s water closet.
Jordan’s inability to engineer an exit from his own restroom raised fresh questions about his fitness to be Speaker, with some questioning whether he should be trusted with a large, potentially dangerous wooden hammer.
But, supporters like Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene pronounced Jordan’s self-imprisonment in his bathroom irrelevant. “I accidentally lock myself in my bathroom three, four times a week, and it hasn’t kept me from being an excellent leader,” she said.
